This November the International Bullying Prevention Association (IBPA) hosted its 7th Annual Conference. The goal of the conference was to share information on how to address bullying in schools. This year’s theme was specific to cyber bullying and the trend of bullying through social media and the Internet. Cyber bullying can be a difficult issue to tackle but organizations like IBPA hope to create federal laws that will create a safer environment for tweens.
Does your school or state have anti-bullying rules in place?
BnetS@vvy’s goal is to provide useful Internet safety resources to parents and educators, but more importantly we love to hear from tweens directly. See what two middle school girls from Washington, D.C. and New York City have to say about Sharon Cindrich’s, A Smart Girl’s Guide to the Internet.
Amori, age 11
A Smart Girl’s Guide to the Internet [by Sharon Cindrich] is a fact filled book that educates young girls about good and bad things that can happen to you or your computer. In the next few paragraphs I will share with you my experience reading the enthralling and lovely guide to the Internet.
I learned about acronyms like P.O.S. (Parent Over Shoulder), it stands for a protective parent. Generally parents are very protective of their children when their child is on the Internet. Every parent is a unique individual and has their own way of taking care of their child. Some parents use security software. Security software also protects your computer from viruses so your files aren’t destroyed. When this happens you have a fritz. Some parents may put filters on their computers to keep out horrible language and websites with bad reputations. Sometimes parents will monitor their computer so that they can see copies of their child’s e-mails and websites they’ve been to.
Not only are there bullies at your school, but they are also on the Internet. The bullies on the Internet are called cyberbullies. Cyberbullies can pretend to know you, threaten you or trick you. Whenever you receive an e-mail from someone you don’t know you shouldn’t respond. You should save the e-mail so that you can show an adult and see what they have to say about the message.
The computer is an excellent way to work on your homework, projects and book reports. With the computer you can research and discover thought-provoking and amazing facts online to help you with your work. I enjoyed A Smart Girl’s Guide to the Internet because it contains opinions and stories that happened in real life to young girls, just like me. It has taught me things I didn’t know about the Internet and corrected me on some things I was wrong about. I would recommend it because it keeps the reader interested to read more.
Eleanor, 14
Reading A Smart Girl’s Guide to the Internet was a lot of fun. It wasn’t too hard or too difficult to read. The writing was very clear and simple so younger age groups would be able to read the book easily. It was also really realistic. The facts and life examples were pretty up to date. For example, my mom still puts money on my lunch account when it gets low. That’s not something that would have happened a decade ago.
When the book introduced cyberbullying it was really helpful to see probable reasons to why someone would be bullied and examples of how cyberbullying can be expressed in different ways. It shows how to properly handle a situation when things go wrong on the Internet and how to solve the problem without regretting your decision. They even had the definition of tattling; to try to make someone look bad, and how it was different from trying to get help. I bet many girls have been caught in the middle of a bad situation and they wanted to help their friend, but they thought that they were tattling and just being a bully so they would hold back. Knowing that tattling is different than actually helping can make a girl feel more confident.
Even though I already knew most of the information in the guide, there were still a couple of things that I didn’t know like what was safe and what was a no-no on downloading and sharing music. A Smart Girl’s Guide to the Internet is a really good choice to help a girl be safe and smart online.
Do you suspect or have evidence that your child has made a harmful threat? See the post from one of our readers and the expert answer below:
Comment:I have a son in 6th grade and I am still reeling after reading some of his texts. He seems to be a well behaved boy and does not get in trouble. But I was shocked at the kinds of sexual comments he was making and his use of violent talk. For example, he made a sexual comment about a friend’s girlfriend. The friend threatened to tell on my son. My son’s response was I will KILL you, stab you if you tell. Please don’t tell. I am sorry!!! I have never heard him speak this way. He said all his friends talk like this. I am so shocked I don’t know what to say or do. Does he need counseling? Is this normal? This was not the only time in text that he used the expression to kill, die, or stab. He a few times opened his texts comments with die and stab like he was saying hello almost like a greeting!! I am lost and confused. I confronted my son. He was embarrassed and very upset. He said it made him sad that I saw the messages. Can someone advise me?
Response: Most likely, your son is using this threatening language because it makes him feel powerful and perhaps even cool. For today’s youth, email, text messages and IM give kids a sense of distance and even anonymity from the messages they send. Mixed with adolescent impulses, kids often say things online or through texts that they would never say in person. While this may be startling to you, this scenario is not uncommon among today’s tech-savvy youth.
The fact that your son became regretful and sad when you discovered the messages may be a sign that his texts were more likely a show of power than actual intention. The reality, however, is that threats like these are taken very seriously today by our communities, the school system and the law. Regardless of his intentions, this type of language is classified as cyberbullying and children are being severely reprimanded for threats like these. Many school districts have developed a no-tolerance policy when it comes to threats of violence and implement serious repercussions for students who engage cyberbullying.
It sounds like you’ve seen other texts that bothered you – ones with sexual tones or aggressive language. While this is most likely a case of normal adolescent exploration, don’t disregard the pattern of behavior. Most threats made by children or adolescents are not carried out, according to The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, however, warnings about killing someone else should be taken seriously.
Visit the AACAP Website for an article entitled “Children’s Threats: When are they serious?” by clicking this link: http://tinyurl.com/yadfxcj. Then, follow up with these general guidelines when addressing this incident with your son.
Get a conversation going. Avoid angry lectures and panicked discussions. Instead, stay calm, find a place to talk without distractions and ask open-ended questions to better understand what’s going on and connect with your son. Talk to him about the gravity of his words, help him understand that text messages can be forwarded to others, copied and posted online and taken at face value.
Talk about cyberbullying. Cyberbullying is a big problem among tweens and teens, and your son’s texts are one form of cyberbullying. Many kids also engage in cyberbullying when they become a victim themselves. Visit the National Crime Prevention Council’s page on cyberbullying (http://www.ncpc.org/cyberbullying) for a brief overview and additional resources.
Restrict his access. Behaviors like this may indicate that your child is not mature enough to use a cell phone, email or IM without your supervision. Consider taking away cell phone privileges temporarily and monitoring his email or IM sessions. Don’t do it behind his back – make sure your son understands that using technology is a privilege and you’ll be supervising his communications until he demonstrates responsible behavior.
Consider other influences. Children today are exposed to violence in many ways – through television shows, movies, video games and sometimes, even domestic violence – and boys more so than girls. Think about the media and environment your child is exposed to, how his language may be influenced by it, and how you can minimize the negative influences. Taking away those influences may help reduce your son’s tendency to participate in violent behavior.
Follow your instincts. Keep your eyes open for sudden mood changes, lack of interest in activities, a drop in grades or unusual aggressive behavior. These, or any other uncharacteristic behaviors, coupled with the threatening texts may be a sign that trouble is brewing. Even if you don’t see signs, but have gut feeling that something is wrong, trust your instincts. Consider school guidance or a professional counselor to get to the root of the problem sooner rather than later.
By now many of us have heard the news that a Massachusetts girl committed suicide after being relentlessly bullied by her peers; the bullies, nine teenagers, were charged with, according to the New York Times, “a different mix of felony charges that include statutory rape, violation of civil rights with bodily injury, harassment, stalking and disturbing a school assembly.” Bullying is on the rise, both in the “real” world and in cyberspace, and adults, including law enforcement officials and legislators, are stepping up their efforts to deal with this crisis.
What can parents and educators do to help ease the problem?
Common Sense Media offers a comprehensive guide to combatting cyberbullying, with practical tips, advice, and answers to common questions. Check out their site and pass the link on to a friend. Together we can help adults educate kids about responsible, compassionate behavior, online and off.
Writer Emily Bazelon, of the online magazine Slate, asks readers to share their stories about cyberbullying. In a quest to learn more about the problem — and how to solve it — Bazelon has turned to the general public in the hope that their stories and suggestions can help shape public understanding and eventually, perhaps, improve online behavior.
So I need your help. Slate readers were a fabulous source of stories last spring when I wrote a series about how the recession was affecting Americans. Now I want to hear from you about your experience, or someone else’s you know, of the many forms of cruelty in the online world. How big a problem is cyberbullying, really, and how is it a problem? In middle school, high school, college, and the workplace, what stories about meanness online, big or small, can you tell me: a gossipy YouTube video that ended in a suspension; a Facebook parody that caused tears or worse; a sext that damaged someone’s reputation; a stalker who tracked his obsession via social media? And what are schools and parents and the authorities doing about it?
Please send your stories and tips to cyberbullying.slate@gmail.com or to the new Facebook page for this project: E-mail will be treated as anonymous unless you say otherwise. I may write you back to ask questions. You can also write in with a question related to cyberbullying that you’d like advice about, and I’ll do my best to answer in consultation with Sameer Hinduja. And I’ll be traveling to schools, workplaces, whoever will have me to report out these stories, and writing up stories based on my reporting in a series on Slate. I’ll post news updates and other thoughts on the Facebook page and on my Twitter feed. Write to me, join in and post, help me dig deep into this toxic feature of our beloved Internet—and, I hope, into the solutions.
Do you suspect or have evidence that your child has made a harmful threat? See the post from one of our readers and the expert answer below:
Comment:I have a son in 6th grade and I am still reeling after reading some of his texts. He seems to be a well behaved boy and does not get in trouble. But I was shocked at the kinds of sexual comments he was making and his use of violent talk. For example, he made a sexual comment about a friend’s girlfriend. The friend threatened to tell on my son. My son’s response was I will KILL you, stab you if you tell. Please don’t tell. I am sorry!!! I have never heard him speak this way. He said all his friends talk like this. I am so shocked I don’t know what to say or do. Does he need counseling? Is this normal? This was not the only time in text that he used the expression to kill, die, or stab. He a few times opened his texts comments with die and stab like he was saying hello almost like a greeting!! I am lost and confused. I confronted my son. He was embarrassed and very upset. He said it made him sad that I saw the messages. Can someone advise me?
Response: Most likely, your son is using this threatening language because it makes him feel powerful and perhaps even cool. For today’s youth, email, text messages and IM give kids a sense of distance and even anonymity from the messages they send. Mixed with adolescent impulses, kids often say things online or through texts that they would never say in person. While this may be startling to you, this scenario is not uncommon among today’s tech-savvy youth.
The fact that your son became regretful and sad when you discovered the messages may be a sign that his texts were more likely a show of power than actual intention. The reality, however, is that threats like these are taken very seriously today by our communities, the school system and the law. Regardless of his intentions, this type of language is classified as cyberbullying and children are being severely reprimanded for threats like these. Many school districts have developed a no-tolerance policy when it comes to threats of violence and implement serious repercussions for students who engage cyberbullying.
It sounds like you’ve seen other texts that bothered you – ones with sexual tones or aggressive language. While this is most likely a case of normal adolescent exploration, don’t disregard the pattern of behavior. Most threats made by children or adolescents are not carried out, according to The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, however, warnings about killing someone else should be taken seriously.
Visit the AACAP Website for an article entitled “Children’s Threats: When are they serious?” by clicking this link: http://tinyurl.com/yadfxcj. Then, follow up with these general guidelines when addressing this incident with your son.
Get a conversation going. Avoid angry lectures and panicked discussions. Instead, stay calm, find a place to talk without distractions and ask open-ended questions to better understand what’s going on and connect with your son. Talk to him about the gravity of his words, help him understand that text messages can be forwarded to others, copied and posted online and taken at face value.
Talk about cyberbullying. Cyberbullying is a big problem among tweens and teens, and your son’s texts are one form of cyberbullying. Many kids also engage in cyberbullying when they become a victim themselves. Visit the National Crime Prevention Council’s page on cyberbullying (http://www.ncpc.org/cyberbullying) for a brief overview and additional resources.
Restrict his access. Behaviors like this may indicate that your child is not mature enough to use a cell phone, email or IM without your supervision. Consider taking away cell phone privileges temporarily and monitoring his email or IM sessions. Don’t do it behind his back – make sure your son understands that using technology is a privilege and you’ll be supervising his communications until he demonstrates responsible behavior.
Consider other influences. Children today are exposed to violence in many ways – through television shows, movies, video games and sometimes, even domestic violence – and boys more so than girls. Think about the media and environment your child is exposed to, how his language may be influenced by it, and how you can minimize the negative influences. Taking away those influences may help reduce your son’s tendency to participate in violent behavior.
Follow your instincts. Keep your eyes open for sudden mood changes, lack of interest in activities, a drop in grades or unusual aggressive behavior. These, or any other uncharacteristic behaviors, coupled with the threatening texts may be a sign that trouble is brewing. Even if you don’t see signs, but have gut feeling that something is wrong, trust your instincts. Consider school guidance or a professional counselor to get to the root of the problem sooner rather than later.
Many kids are eager for validation and acceptance, which makes them vulnerable to advances from predators. Nearly 20 percent of online teens say they’ve received unwanted sexual advances, according to the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire. It’s a good idea to protect names, schools and addresses and to avoid posting videos and pictures, which can reveal a child’s location.
Cyber-bullying.
This can take many forms, including sending threatening or harassing emails, texts, or IMs (called “flames”), posting false information using another child’s password, or changing passwords and altering or deleting information from someone else’s site.
Academic disruption.
Social networking can be a useful academic tool, but it can also lead to problems with focus, attention, and schoolwork. A 2006 Kaiser Family Foundation report found that when students are studying on their computers, they’re actually doing something else-IMing, e-mailing, downloading files, or watching TV-65 percent of the time. Grades may suffer as social connections flourish.
Damaging content.
Any time information is transferred, there’s the risk of inadvertently downloading inappropriate files, viruses or malicious scripts that can damage a user’s computer. Teens need to know what to watch for and how to avoid the bad stuff.
Legal and financial pitfalls.
It’s also important to talk to kids about safeguarding financial information, or avoiding illegal file-sharing.
If adults want to learn how to connect with kids and help them be safer online, we need to understand what really matters to them-and keep the lines of real-world communication open.
By middle school, most children have an online life, which means everything they do in the real world-learn, hang out, chat, and even bully-they can do online as well.
Social Networking is growing in popularity. About 71 percent of teens have created a profile on a social network site, up from 61 percent last year, according to the 2007 Teen Internet Safety Survey, Wave II by Cox Communication and the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. Sites like MySpace and Facebook log millions of repeat visits each day.
So what exactly is the draw for kids who spend hours a day browsing other people’s profiles and stay up late designing their own?
For Emily, a freshman in high school in Virginia, social networking offers a glimpse into the lives of her peers, and a way to stay up on the newest trends. “People post their favorite colors, what music they’re listening to-it’s just fun to see what other people are into,” she says. Translation: teens like learning about other teens to find out what’s in and what’s out. Social networking is a way to get that information on a daily basis.
Social networking sites may be to today’s youth what tree houses, forts, or phones were to us: a place where kids can get away from their parents, be themselves, or pretend to be somebody else. For adults, understanding the reasons kids use these sites is an important first step in helping kids make safer, smarter choices online.
The Feeling of Being Liked
Tayler, a Washington State senior in high school, says she checks her profile frequently. “It’s that feeling of excitement that comes from seeing I have a message or comment waiting for me to read. It’s the feeling of being liked, I guess.”
For many young people, social networking can be an emotionally satisfying experience. When they leave comments or messages on friends’ pages, they usually get one in return, and it reinforces feelings of friendship and popularity. This can be especially powerful for shy youth, or those who feel uncomfortable or disconnected in social situations.
“I just moved here and don’t know that many people yet, so Facebook helps me keep in touch with my cousins and friends back home,” says 14-year-old Alec from Maryland.
Real Benefits, Real Consequences
Social networking is a tool to communicate with friends both near and far. It can also promote creativity and self-expression, sharpen communication and writing skills, and provide kids an opportunity to develop a personal identity and share it with others.
Online relationships can help kids overcome difficulties they might be having, whether it’s teenage angst or a more serious issue. There is always someone to talk to online, and the lack of face-to-face contact can make kids more comfortable opening up to others.
But this is where the slippery slope begins-who are these “friends” they are opening up to? Do they know them in real life? Recognizing and addressing the potential risks can help make social networking a safer experience for children.
Simple Steps to Safety
Friends lists. Many kids feel that their friends list is a reflection of their popularity, so they add people they don’t really know in order to gain status. Privacy settings can keep strangers from accessing profiles-but if kids add people they don’t know as their friends, they’re giving away access to personal information. Teach them to have a “friend policy” and not to add people they don’t know in real life to their friends lists.
Blogs. The term comes from “Web log” and refers to a journal or personal essay, an online diary of sorts. Blogs are popular with kids, and most social networking sites have space to create a blog. Unfortunately, not everyone reading about a child’s personal feelings, frustrations, and dreams has the best intentions in mind. Predators can use a child’s insecurities or ambitions to bond with the child, and potentially coax him or her into an in person meeting.
A good rule of thumb for a teen: if you don’t want just anyone reading your journal or diary, it shouldn’t be posted online.
Photos and videos. According to the Teen Internet Safety Survey, Wave II, 64 percent of teens post photos or videos of themselves. Often, kids don’t realize that they’re inadvertently putting themselves at risk with the images they post online-street signs, a license plate in the background, or a school name can give away a child’s location. Kids are also posting sexually provocative or inappropriate pictures of themselves to “be adult” or get attention. They may not realize that anyone can save their picture and use it to exploit or embarrass them. Kids should never post a picture that they wouldn’t want posted around their school for anyone to see.
The bottom line: keep talking. That same survey found that children whose parents talk to them about online safety are more likely to exhibit responsible online behavior. Real-life consequences can be serious; let’s help kids avoid the potential risks of social networking by opening up the lines of communication.
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Candace Bahk is the Content Manager for the NetSmartz Workshop with the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
Some teens say and do terrible things to each other online because they don’t see the direct effects of their actions. You can help address cyber bullying by using the NSTeens Activity Cards. The Activity Cards are 20-30 minute Internet safety lessons that engage students in discussion, collaborative learning, hands on activities, and reflection. The NSTeens video, “Terrible Text,” has corresponding Intermediate and Middle School Activity Cards that can be used by educators, counselors, and parents Visit nsteens cyberbullying video to check them out!
We’ll start accepting questions 15 minutes before the chat starts.
As more schools become more digital, cyber security has become a growing area of concern. While most school- and district-level administrators know that keeping students safe online and protecting school data from hackers are important, not all educators are prepared to address those issues, and many aren’t knowledgeable about how to set up online safeguards.
Don’t miss this chance to hear from experts what cyber-secure schools look like, and how school administrators can create safe digital environments for students and staff.
Jeffrey L. Hunt, director of e-learning at the Institute for Online Learning at the Frontier Campus of the Indian Prairie School District 204 in Naperville, Ill., and a member of the advisory committee to the Consortium for School Networking’s Cyber Security for the Digital District initiative
Michael Kaiser, executive director of the Washington-based National Cyber Security Alliance
This chat will be moderated by Katie Ash, a staff writer for Education Week and Digital Directions.
